The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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