so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
