you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
