So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
