dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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