I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
