I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
