Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
