I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
