Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
