my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
