i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
