i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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