They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
