Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
