Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
