Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
