Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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