What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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