But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
