its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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