dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
