She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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