paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
