I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
