its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
