I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
