i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
