Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
