I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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