ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
