The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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