When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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