When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
