Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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