Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
