Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
