My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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