xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
