I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
