dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
