I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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