Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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