I am midnight drunk by noon
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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