is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
