I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
