I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
