she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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