Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
