3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
