My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
