So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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