the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
