Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
