he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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