i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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