She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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