He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
