Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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