I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
