Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
