yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
