My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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