omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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