I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
