Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
