Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
