Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
