we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
